My friend Baz...

A thought occured to me the other day, you never see a member of the tracksuit brigade wearing glasses. Why is that?...I have come up with a few answers to that deeply insightful question:

1) They all have perfect vision, due to the healthy lifestyles they all lead, being fed a diet of ready meals, crisps and pepsi from birth.

2) They all prefer to walk around with blurred vision, thinking it's a small price to pay for not looking like a twat, but not realising that being an 8 stone malnourished idiot dressed in a shell suit and wearing the entire stock of Elizabeth Dukes jewellery isn't this seasons 'look'.

3) They're all too drunk on Special Brew and high on crack to see anything anyway...besides who wants to see the 12 year old pregnant girl and surrogate mother of your other 15 children sitting next to you in your council flat in Sholver...that would just be depressing wouldn't it?

4) They are all killed when they are young because, as everyone knows...chavs are pack animals, they're the closest thing we have to the missing link, survival of the fittest...if you can't steal a car radio or mug a defenseless grandma or find your way through the doors of the dole office (most likely) because you can't see more than 1cm infront of your nose...you'll starve to death.